The aftermath

Before I get into anything I have a request, please pray for Graham and I. We are only doing as good as we can be but we are far from OK and over this tragedy.

It’s almost been three and a half weeks since we were told we were miscarrying and there was no heartbeat, 3 weeks since we were told that my levels were rising and there was still hope, two weeks since my surgery, two weeks since my grandfather’s death, and 2 months of an emotional roller coaster from the point we found that we were finally expecting after 3.5 years until now, dealing with weekly testing, and the after effects of a molar pregnancy.

I had my first blood work done yesterday and booked my follow – up appointment forMonday, April 1, 2013. That is when I will find out how far we’ve come along with my levels and how much further we have to go. That is when we can ask whatever questions we have and then figure things out.

Until then I am trying my hardest to not Google anything and to just go day by day. Some days are much better than others. Some days I am doing ok and have a smile on my face and feeling great. Other days I just want to crawl into my bed and cry myself to sleep and sleep away the day. Other days I’m just angry. Angry that it took 3.5 years to conceive and that we had to deal with infertility in the first place, angry that our baby’s heart stopped, angry that I had the beginnings of a tumor, angry that were not allowed to try to conceive for a while. Angry that this all has happened to us.

I actually came across another lady who has gone through this recently. I will not go into detail of when, who, or what happened, however, it is nice to know that I am not the only one out there that is dealing with the grieving process and whatever other emotions that have come with this whole situation.

Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing support system and could not ask for better. My family has been amazing through all of this. I have been able to lean on any one of them whenever I need, this includes my blood family and the amazing family that I married into. My husband has been nothing but supportive, loving, caring and understanding to all my emotions, random mood swings, and my break downs. He is going through the emotions as much as I am so we are holding hands and fighting through this together. The girls from the Facebook page “The Dream of Being Called Mommy and Daddy” have been very busy checking up on me to make sure I’m ok and I pray for them every day and thank god for them, my husband and my family every day. It’s just nice to know someone else out there dealt with infertility, then a molar pregnancy, then everything that goes along with that.