swear one day I am going to get this blogging thing down and start posting on a weekly basis.
So again, a ton to tell you.
Since my last post, my childhood friend and I have completely severed ties and went our separate ways. There were no words of parting or no tearful good bye and no rhyme or reason, however, the friendship I thought would never end, ended. In the scheme of things that’s nothing compared to what I have been through in the last month.
My last post was on January 8, 2013, on January 10, 2013 we had found out that after 3.5 years of trying, my Dear Husband and I found out we were expecting our first child!! We were so excited and I was a little freaked out at a number of things. I was terrified of a miscarriage and diligently took my vitamins and Googled everything that I could or couldn’t do, eat or couldn’t eat. I was determined to be the best pregnant lady ever and bring a healthy child into this world. I was eating everything in sight, my boobs were growing (yay!) as was my perfect little baby bump. I had gained 6 lbs in a month alone and was a little scared I would never loose all the weight again, which would be absolutely nothing in comparison to the joy I would have being a mommy. We were on cloud no. 9 and nothing could bring us down!!
Nothing could prepare us for the month we were about to face…
On January 11, 2013 I received a phone call from my mom. It was the day of my distant cousin’s funeral and my family was hurting. As I did not know him well, I was praying for the healing of my family to be quick, and the mourning to be short. That afternoon my mom called to tell me my grandfather had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. As crushed as I was, I was so thankful to be bringing a life into the family after this recent development and on January 20, 2013, I said goodbye to my grandfather for the last time. We told him our wonderful news and visited about the weather when I hugged him tight and told him I loved him one last time. I will never ever forget his hug when he said “I love you too”.
January 28, 2013, I started spotting and cramping. I had spotted a bit before but after research I had thought nothing of it. When I started spotting again I was 7 weeks 2 days pregnant. We went to the doctor that evening he seemed concerned and sent us to go get an ultrasound followed by bloodwork the very next day to make sure the baby was ok. We took the day off work and went for an ultrasound. They had scanned my belly for a while then did an internal scan, after what seemed like a life time, they brought my husband into the room. The doctor sat us down and told us they could not find a heartbeat and to follow up with bloodwork but he is 99.9% sure that we were suffering a miscarriage. We were heartbroken.
I went to my general practitioner the next day when he told us the baby had measured 7 weeks 3 days and that once he has the bloodwork back we will plan a course of action on whats next. That Friday, the 26th, I received a call that my levels were rising! In a miscarriage they should have been dropping drastically. He sent me for even more bloodwork! After he received the results we went to see him on January 28 where he said I was a mystery as my levels were still in fact rising! We were overjoyed that maybe they just didn’t see the heartbeat but our child was in fact alive and well!
January 29, 2013, we were nervous but excited to see our child! After another long ultrasound the doctor again sat us down and told us, there is no baby, there is no heartbeat, and my uterus was filled with tissue. We had, what they call, a Molar pregnancy. On Friday morning my husband was driving me to work when we received news that my Grandfather had passed away. Not even a month after being diagnosed he was pulled off this earth and into the arms of Jesus and his wife after 16 years of being apart. I was crushed and didn’t know how to feel or what to do. We had a doctors appointment that night so that day I just went to work.
That night we decided we would have a date night and prepare a nice dinner and spend some time together after our doctors appointment. We left to go see the doctor to confirm when he told us the specialist needed to perform an emergency D&C and get this mass out of me, I was not to eat, drink or even go home. I was sent directly to the ER. I felt like we were killing our child, even though it was killing me, I did not want to let it go.
The chances of a molar pregnancy happening in a Caucasian woman in North America is 0.02% - 0.83%. The chances of it happening are higher in countries such as Southeast Asia, Northeast Asia, Mexico and the Philippines. The chances of it happening again are 0.5-2.5%.
Honestly I am unsure of how to feel at this point but I knew I could not keep this bottled up inside of me any longer. One thing I have learnt is to trust my instincts, when I started spotting everyone told me its normal and to not worry. Everyone said I shouldn’t need to go to the doctors. If I wouldn’t have gone to the doctors, my first ultrasound would have been 20 weeks pregnant. I would have thought everything was normal and I would have been very busy shopping and setting up a room for our little bundle of joy, my whole world would have ended because not only would I have had a molar pregnancy but, chances are, it would have developed into a cancerous tumor causing me to have a full hysterectomy and never have the chance to have children of my own. Needless to say, I’m dealing with a ton of emotions lately, happy, sad, devastated, mourning, weak, strong, broken, etc.
Anyway, thanks for reading, and remember to please please trust your instincts!!
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