How great is my God that he gives me peace in such times of trouble. How great is my God that I asked for solidity and compliance in my heart and my thoughts and he made it happen in one day. That he erased all other thoughts, fears and judgments and allowed me to think, feel and follow him properly.
Infertility has been a part of our married lives since the moment we said "I Do".
Realistically it has probably been there for longer than that, we just didn't know it.
For almost 9 years we have lived our lives with this label attached and as often as we tried to bury it, like a vampire or a zombie, it dug itself out of its grave at the most inconvenient times, reminding us that we are failures.
For those who will quickly jump up and say "You are not failures". This we know. However, in times like that, where it seems God is quiet (he's not) and the enemy is loud (SO LOUD!) its hard to remember the truth, but rather believe the lies.
After our appointment earlier this month, after a lot of praying, a lot of crying, a lot of feeling and so much advice we have come to a decision, and feel at peace with it.
We are a family of three.
We are "One and Done".
We are so happy with our lives and finally, FINALLY, after almost 9 years, I'm ripping that label of infertility off my jacket. Actually I'm throwing the whole jacket out and getting a new one. We both are.
We are proud parents to our beautiful little daughter and wouldn't change a thing. We are no longer Infertile. We are parents.
Its so good to be free.
Now to get a puppy.
Thursday 17 May 2018
Tuesday 8 May 2018
Answers... Finally...
"Why aren't you getting pregnant?"
"You're text book perfect!"
"Superman" "Thin, Young, Healthy"
Just a few phrases used over the 9 years of unexplained infertility. A few phrases spouted out to us in frustration and exasperation by specialists who are supposed to find the answer to the ever ending question.... Why?
Why? Why do we struggle so hard when it seems so easy for everyone else. Why do we never get a positive pregnancy test, what is wrong with me? With him? Why?
For 9 years we've been married. For 9 years we tried for babies. For 9 years we wondered. Why?
Unexplained Infertility. A label that stuck to us like a Scarlett A. Today however, all though that letter remains, it is much smaller, not so visible but much more painful that not knowing.
"It would almost be easier to just know why" is what we told ourselves for years but now that I know, I don't want to know.
There is nothing that can be done to change it. No diet to reverse it, no bad habit to quit, no increase in exercise will reverse time, will make my body work the way it is supposed too.
So I sit here in tears cursing my useless eggs and praying for a miracle.
Answers.... Finally... But relief was not granted.
"You're text book perfect!"
"Superman" "Thin, Young, Healthy"
Just a few phrases used over the 9 years of unexplained infertility. A few phrases spouted out to us in frustration and exasperation by specialists who are supposed to find the answer to the ever ending question.... Why?
Why? Why do we struggle so hard when it seems so easy for everyone else. Why do we never get a positive pregnancy test, what is wrong with me? With him? Why?
For 9 years we've been married. For 9 years we tried for babies. For 9 years we wondered. Why?
Unexplained Infertility. A label that stuck to us like a Scarlett A. Today however, all though that letter remains, it is much smaller, not so visible but much more painful that not knowing.
"It would almost be easier to just know why" is what we told ourselves for years but now that I know, I don't want to know.
There is nothing that can be done to change it. No diet to reverse it, no bad habit to quit, no increase in exercise will reverse time, will make my body work the way it is supposed too.
So I sit here in tears cursing my useless eggs and praying for a miracle.
Answers.... Finally... But relief was not granted.
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