Our journey so far…
Its been a while since I updated and looking through my
blogs, man we have changed our mind a lot… From adoption, to travelling, to
breaking, to adoption, to IVF its been a long journey and one that God has been
in control of.
We have been trying for almost 6 years now. A few months shy
of 6 years. In that time people have had baby #1, #2 and in some cases #3. We
have been through every emotion imaginable. We have watched as people have
announced pregnancies that were un-planned, planned to save a marriage, planned
to start a family, and pregnancies that were terminated. We have crumbled to
the floor in tears for lost babies, we have jumped for joy for those who have
gotten pregnant. We have rejoiced in our gift from our God and wept when that
gift flew away before we could meet it.
We have lost friends, gained friends, realized the
definition of friendship and had to say good bye to those we thought would
always be around.
We have questioned, pled, begged, cried and bargained with
God and we are finally finally at a
decision, and have stuck by it, planned for it, and started the process.
We let go of the hope of conceiving on our own but our God hasn’t
let us let go of the hope of holding our own child in my womb. He hasn’t let go
of the dream to feel it kick, or watch my belly grow. He has not let us let go
of the hope of becoming a family.
Every time we decided to start the adoption proceedings
something would get in the way. Looking back now, that something was fear and
knowledge that this wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right for both of us. It was
scary, scary as hell. We couldn’t imagine falling in love with a child that
could be taken away from us. Public adoption just hasn’t felt right for us. We don’t
think adoption, private or public, is wrong in anyway, and it may not even be
wrong for us in the future but right now, here in this moment, what we’re
doing, is right.
We didn’t hesitate, we didn’t blink, we didn’t let fear
overwhelm us. We started the proceedings for IVF. We paid the registration fee,
we booked our testing appointments, we booked our follow up and started the
race. We have endured the poking and prodding of the doctors. The needles, the
x-rays, the uncomfortable examination rooms, the vitamins, the meetings the conferences…
its just coming together … no its not… its not a fluke… this is supposed to
happen… its in the plan!!
We’re so excited to start our family.
For the first time since that first doctors appointment after we hit the year of trying, I feel at peace. Im just relaxed and ready...
Will post again when more information comes to us!
