I can feel you move inside me, kicking your little toes, stretching your little body and playing around as you grow.
I can feel the hope within me that I will see your gorgeous face, this gift of life that's given by God and all his grace.
I wont soon forget I struggled all the pain and all the fear. The hopes and dreams were broken when we weren't sure our time was near.
I would pray and I would listen but the answer seemed so far. I would cry and I would crumble when this life would seem so hard.
We would try and we would try, with my legs above my head, but through the counting, the trying the pain the dreams all seemed but dead.
We sought help of doctors, acupuncture, herbs and more but the more we tried the harder the fall when it crumbled to the floor.
After so much prayer and devotion, and time spent away from it all, we decided to try once more praying to God "It's all your call".
We thought we'd maybe adopt, from the system with so many kids. But very quickly realized this plan of ours wasn't his.
We thought we'd adopt private and have a baby to call our own, but delay and fears made us realize this wasn't the road to be sewn.
We spent more time discussing, praying and begging clues, when we looked at each other hopeless and said "what have we got to loose?"
We decided to give it to God, the finances, stress and hope. He supplied the money, the peace and special ways to help us cope.
We did the fundraising, the needles, the drugs and went along with all the steps. We said a little prayer, and left it in his hands to rest.
The prayer that surrounded us was overwhelming to say the least, but through the support, the love, the prayer, we saw the little heart beat.
I'll never forget the struggle, the guilt is very real, guilt for or leaving those struggling as we enter to this tale.
Infertility has taught us lessons, gave us life, and so much worth. It built strength, gave us pain and blessed us more than cursed.
So I sit here feeling the baby stretch and play within my womb. I rub my tummy and tell it stories of the things we overcame.
To get to this place we're at now, 20 weeks over and 20 to go. We are planning to find what you are, a little bub or little babe, little boy or little girl.
To the angel babies in heaven and the ones that are in our arms, know that you are loved, so very much so very far.
To those of you still struggling, please don't think I'll forget. I'll always know the struggle and am here to cry and vent.
We will always be understanding, supporting and sensitive and always be available for what advice that we can give.
