It’s taken me a long time to write this one out… what to do? What to do?... what do you do when everything you’ve worked towards, built towards, wished upon and prayed about isn’t coming and you’re faced with the idea of giving it up?
You have had the same thought for years now… 5 years to be exact… every eyelash, shooting star, 11:11 wish is all the same. Every prayer has it hidden in there as a request… every breakdown is begging God for the wish to come true… everyone you know knows your struggle, your wish and your desire…. And the fact that it’s not coming true…
What do you do when you decide to give it up? Where do you turn your thoughts too? What do you think about? Do you get lost in a book? Do you plan a trip? How do you not feel lost and pained knowing you’re giving your dream up?
When two people enter into a serious relationship the question “when are you getting married?” gets asked a lot…. When they get engaged “when’s the date?”. When they get married “How’s married life?” a year into marriage people ask them “So…. Are kids in the near future?”
What happens when that couple decides it’s time to build a family… they try and try for kids… weeks turn into months, months into years, and suddenly after 5 years your thoughts are consumed with baby everything. What happens when the kids that are so desperately wanted never come? What happens when they decide that before they move on to the expensive options, such as in-vitro fertilization or adoption they need a couple year break.
What happens when everyone looks at you so sad when you tell them “We are going to enjoy our childfree lifestyle for a couple of years… regroup and maybe try for kids when we are 30”?
How do you move on from everything it seems you’ve ever wanted. How do you walk away from your dream and hold your head up high. How do you get excited for anything else when you’re faced with the fact that the last time you had a dream, a goal, a wish it never came true?
What happens now that the dream is over for now?… What happens now that I don’t have this to hold on to?... What happens now?
No comments:
Post a Comment