Journey

Our journey so far…

Its been a while since I updated and looking through my blogs, man we have changed our mind a lot… From adoption, to travelling, to breaking, to adoption, to IVF its been a long journey and one that God has been in control of.

We have been trying for almost 6 years now. A few months shy of 6 years. In that time people have had baby #1, #2 and in some cases #3. We have been through every emotion imaginable. We have watched as people have announced pregnancies that were un-planned, planned to save a marriage, planned to start a family, and pregnancies that were terminated. We have crumbled to the floor in tears for lost babies, we have jumped for joy for those who have gotten pregnant. We have rejoiced in our gift from our God and wept when that gift flew away before we could meet it.

We have lost friends, gained friends, realized the definition of friendship and had to say good bye to those we thought would always be around.

We have questioned, pled, begged, cried and bargained with God and we are finally finally at a decision, and have stuck by it, planned for it, and started the process.

We let go of the hope of conceiving on our own but our God hasn’t let us let go of the hope of holding our own child in my womb. He hasn’t let go of the dream to feel it kick, or watch my belly grow. He has not let us let go of the hope of becoming a family.

Every time we decided to start the adoption proceedings something would get in the way. Looking back now, that something was fear and knowledge that this wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right for both of us. It was scary, scary as hell. We couldn’t imagine falling in love with a child that could be taken away from us. Public adoption just hasn’t felt right for us. We don’t think adoption, private or public, is wrong in anyway, and it may not even be wrong for us in the future but right now, here in this moment, what we’re doing, is right.

We didn’t hesitate, we didn’t blink, we didn’t let fear overwhelm us. We started the proceedings for IVF. We paid the registration fee, we booked our testing appointments, we booked our follow up and started the race. We have endured the poking and prodding of the doctors. The needles, the x-rays, the uncomfortable examination rooms, the vitamins, the meetings the conferences… its just coming together … no its not… its not a fluke… this is supposed to happen… its in the plan!!

We’re so excited to start our family.

For the first time since that first doctors appointment after we hit the year of trying, I feel at peace. Im just relaxed and ready...

Will post again when more information comes to us!