Terrifying - The Religious Hate of The World Today

Terror has become a main emotion in today's world. From the terrorists acts to the hate crimes to the crimes just made from pure emotion. Terrified is today's answer to the simple question "How are you?".

A young man, a good man, with two loyal dogs and a beautiful son, had a dream to become a soldier. To fight for this country and die if he needs to. A young man, a single father, a happy soul has done just that, died for his country and we are all left shattered.

With broken hearts and unshed tears we stand up strong, but terrified. Terrified that a man standing guard at one of the busiest memorial sights in our nation has been shot, killed, mid day in the open in our capital city, on our soil!

A hate crime, a crime so filled with emotion its difficult to not get sucked in. This world is becoming a hate crime and its so very scary. Terrifying. What are we becoming when the words hate, crime, murder, terrorism, and pain are every day words used as often as hello and goodbye? How are we fighting this? How are we making it a better world?

I have my beliefs and I believe in God, I believe in Heaven, I believe in Hell. I believe in Good and Evil. I'm fighting this internal battle of what to do, how to feel, how to rely on my belief system when I think about not only the shooting taking that young soldiers life, but how the world will react to the shooters family, to his loved ones. I think about how people react to such hate. How we, in the name of God, commit our own hate crimes, our own terrorism, our own form of punishment and feel that it is ok to punish, play God, judge and create our own way of law because it is in Gods name.

I think about situations that scream truth, a  video showing a lover beaten to death in front of his gay lover by hateful believers because that is not Gods way. I think about a family being exiled from their congregation for standing up against the wrong, for preaching the goodness in their God, instead of producing hate that the congregation is pouring out. I think about a young mother being thrown out of her home for questioning the reactions, for wanting to get drunk on proper information instead of blindly believing what she is told.

I think about the "Religious People" of the world today and how they seem to be so far above everyone that they feel there is no hope for God to be strong enough to save the human race so they take it into their own hands. They make their own law and produce hate crimes for those that hate. They judge those that judge, they spit on those who wander, and interrogate those who question.

Its terrifying to think you are not even safe from terror or hate crimes in your religious community, God's people. I'm struggling to reach out to those that hate, that will judge, that will throw their own verdict on your soul if you do something, act some way, say anything that is out of their belief. That challenge them.

I think about the knee jerk reaction to ban a whole race, a whole country, and all its people because of one hate crime. Those close to me have posted, preached, and spoken out against Muslims or even any race, belief, religion, but their own because of this crime and I think, how ignorant, how hateful, how painful, and how sorry I am for those people to just take Gods name, twist it into such a ugly face, and force judgment on a whole race for the actions of the select few.

I believe in my God, my personal relationship with him, and I pray for his people that have taken his name upon their own. I pray for them to realize the error of their ways and I pray, hope, beg for them to try and get the words hate, terror, crime, pain out of the daily words and replenish this world into a happy, blessed, welcoming and non judging world. I pray hard for Gods people to return to their good God, and stop making God to be such a terrifying character.

Terrifying is todays word and that breaks my heart, shatters my world, and kills my hope. It hasn't broken my soul, and I will rebuild. We will rebuild. We will make this place we live in, this earth we live on, these times we hold to be a better, happier, loving place. Terrifying will be a word of the past.

A New Me...

I sit here with the world on my shoulders once again and look back and realize that all that I have gained and all that I have lost. I realize the person I was and who I have become and am realizing my faults, my triumphs, my strengths and my extreme weaknesses.

 

As the fog clears and realizations become clear it is apparent to me what has happened, how people have pushed away, how insecure I have been, and how bitter my life once was and how bitter it is becoming.

 

Different circumstances, realizations, stresses and relationships change a person. I have changed however this does not excuse my behavior of self indulgence and self pity.

 

This is my apology…

 

My apology for letting infertility run my life to a point that I could not see, talk, listen or think anything but infertility. My apology for everyone I have hurt, pushed away, pushed to limits or even used when I could not see clearly enough to realize there is a life out of infertility. My apology for those who wanted so desperately for me to be happy, and tried so hard to get me there, to which I ignored. My apology for taking your happy moments and turning them to be sad for me. My apology for making you scared to share your news, your life, your secrets, your happiness with me.

 

My apology for recent events which again have made me bitter, sad, disappointed and scared. My apology for not being as good of a person as I can be, as good of a friend as you all need me to be, and my apology for not reaching out when I needed and taking the world on myself. My apology for my self indulgence and self pity once again.

 

This is my goal.

 

My goal to realize my weaknesses of feeling I can not lean on others when they lean on me. My goal to be able to put my life on hold for a moment to celebrate, mourn, enjoy, indulge, explore life with you when you need it. My goal to live each day as a new day and to let go of the bitterness, the hurt, the equality or lack there of in life. My goal to be better, which will be my goal for the entirety of my life.

 

So this is a new me… one that will no longer be bitter, hold resentment, scream unfairness, cry at others happiness. This is a new day, a new life, and a new world. This is a new me.