The Power of Simple Emotion

Sometimes life puts things into perspective so clearly that its almost confusing. When all you’ve ever wanted in life seems to be everything you don’t need where do you turn? Sometimes everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting right there on a pedestal waiting for you to grab it, grasp it, cling to it, yet you cant. Tears run down your cheek knowingly screaming out as they fall down to the ground that you can’t have it. You no longer need it. You have to give up on the dream of it. Accept reality, love fearlessly and protect yourself endlessly. Fuck the world and all its broken promises, empty dreams, shattered lives.

When the one thing you live for isn’t living at all then what do you do? The dreams dead and reality sinks in as you look up at that pedestal and realize it’s not a pedestal at all. It’s a dead tree rotting away with cockroaches and spiders and horns yet you still search. You try to grasp the concept its dead while you endlessly look for your hope that dwindled, the gold that’s rusted and flaked away when your life seems to change in an instant. In a second. You’re driving off a cliff trying to take control and your spiraling down and you cry. Your one single tear sums it up in one single second and you realize for the first time in your life that reality is not a dream. Reality is your life and you roll with the punches until you’re left bleeding, dying, laughing at yourself and your hopeless dreams. You’re a mess, a mess of chaos. It’s beautiful, and it’s painful, when you realize for the first time that it’s in your power to accept it, change it, make your own reality.

Your dreams are no longer valid and it kills you because you notice you’ve changed tremendously and that everything you have ever worked for, longed for, cared for, no longer phases you. You take a step back and tremble with emotion as you try to hold on to a little piece of the old you. You gain the acceptance of your reality and you no longer seem to care. Not a tiny shred of an ounce do you seem to care. You start to look at the world through a haze of numbness when you realize that the old you, the one with the hope, the gold, the dreams, is dead. It died and took you with it.

You give up and start living, living day to day, minute to minute, when you finally start to feel yourself being happy, you remind yourself of your dream, not knowing you just wrecked everything you’ve worked for by living each moment. So in the end you give up, laughing at yourself, spitting on your dreams, crying your dry tears that no longer form, and you still search. You search for your hope that you’ve lost.

Your hope that never goes away really, but you’ve lost yourself in your waves of emotion and you feel yourself being pulled out of the fire by that hope. That hope grasps you, takes your hand, changes your life, your dreams, your reality. You realize that even though you died, you became numb, you changed, it was all part of a plan. The plan to make you who you are today. You smile your beautiful smile as you cry tears of relief knowing you’ll be ok. You’ve changed, but you have your hope, and you have faith that it will all be ok… It will all be better than ok.