My wonderful husband and I threw away the condoms before we got married (little secret) and I was so sporatic with my pills that they couldn’t have even been helping and im sure, if I could get pregnant like other girls, I would have been a pregnant bride. We were so excited to start a family and when we got married we were sure we were going to celebrate our first anniversary changing diapers, sleep deprived and overwhelmed with love for our little one.
Fast forward 5 years….
5 years ago I was counting down the days until my wedding day and eagerly praying my “monthly” wouldn’t come and I had no idea that prayer would continue for the next 5 years (minus the 2 months I was pregnant). I had no idea every month would come with heartbreak, tears and pain.
For the last 5 years my husband and I have been living childless. Parents without children, eagerly reading every sign hoping it’s a sign of pregnancy and this journey would end soon. For 5 years we have seen pregnant bellies, small children, held beautiful newborns, and cried out when we couldn’t have that. For 5 years we have endured so many pregnancy announcements, so much advice both good and bad, and have lived with a hole in our chest.
For 5 years we have lived childless… never did we think we would be living this way for 5 years.
Don’t get me wrong, we have had so much fun in the last 5 years. We spent our first anniversaries away, camping, in vegas. We have taken trips to places we haven’t seen, learnt things we never knew, and watched our beautiful nephews and nieces grow. We have developed so much personality, strength and love for each other and are very much looking forward to the next 50 years…
With every trip, night out, positive ovulation test, treatment, weekend in vegas, we always had hope. ALWAYS. I always thought that the one drunken night, the trip to a city we’ve never seen, a weekend away in vegas, many weekends in canmore, laughter, love and booze is all we needed to finally get pregnant. No matter how much fun we had we always hoped it would turn into pregnancy and a healthy baby.
This month though…. This month is different.
We sat down a few weeks ago and decided to start living childfree. We decided to renovate our kitchen, develop our basement, and have fun. Best part of it all, we have decided to travel and see things we haven't seen... Hopefully next September we will be traveling Europe and making our way to ITALY!!
We are so excited to start seeing cities we've never seen and try to travel the world while we can and we couldn’t be more excited. I haven’t felt this free, this whole, this happy since letting go of the dream to be a parent and start living our lives with eachother just as us.
We have always been envious of couples with kids, expecting kids, and the life we thought we wanted that we stopped to realize we can live a very fulfilling, very happy, very fun life together, living child less.
This is the first month in almost 5 years that I am very ok with not being pregnant, happy that im not pregnant even. Im so in love with my husband, our life and so excited for a future.
Now please, please, don’t say “Now watch you’ll get pregnant” because if I do, it will be a blessing but as for the hope, its not there. The hope for a very fulfilling future is, no matter what comes of it. If we travel the world and have a wonderful life where our only babies are fur babies that's awesome!! If I get pregnant or we do decide to adopt in a few years then great for now... We are living child free!!
